*) What is the argument of www.thetruth.com?
The argument is mainly tobacco kills.
Over the years, tobacco may have brought wealth, "happiness", and more, but it also became one of the main causes of death and destruction. On the site, www.thetruth.com, there are facts, games, posters, links, videos, and downloads, giving statements, a timeline, basically the whole history of tobacco. The main reason why this site had been developed was to inform many viewers of the dangers of tobacco. There are facts of deaths, diseases, money, addiction, sell, product, poisons, evidence, victims, and science given. Several facts that I have taken a look at personally were, "Tobacco companies' products kill 36,000 people every month. Every 6.5 seconds, someone in the world dies from a smoking-related disease. Every single day, in the U.S., the tobacco industry spends nearly $36 million on advertising and promotions. Every day, about 1,500 youth become daily smokers. 69 animal and/or human carcinogens are in tobacco smoke." On the other hand, during the 17th century, many Chesapeake colonies had prospered due to the surplus crops of tobacco. When it had first been brought to Europe by the Spaniards, it is said that physicians had praised it as a wonder drug. Although the website tells of all the negative sides of tobacco, we are taught in history of how it had put such a positive effect on the European culture. Tobacco "spawned new industries, new habits, and new forms of social life." Despite the negative and positive effects tobacco had made over the years, I can't help but ask why should tobacco continue to prosper? It is true that riches were given in the past, but now in the present, there are many different opportunities given to become wealthy. In my opinion, I strongly believe that tobacco should be completely destroyed off the face of the earth; but that's just me. Technology and life itself had advanced in so many ways that we can do so much more and save so many lives by getting rid of tobacco.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Tobacco Industry, Then & Today
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28 comments:
This is a pretty well written paragraph. Although, I feel that you use too many lists and too many specific facts from the website. It could have been slightly more tied into the history reading. But other thatn that, your writing did get a great point across about tobacco.
I like your word choice, and I like how you express your strong opinion! Very good blog! =]
i like how you have information of the harms of tobacco. i think there could have been more than on paragraph made from this writing piece.
I was confused near the end of your blog right after the facts on the website that you poster as to what side you were on concerning whether tobacco was a positive thing or not. Maybe try to reinforce your believe that tobacco is really dangerous and leave out any words that take represent the other sides opinion in your concluding sentences. The facts you posted from thetruth.com were really compelling though. Overall it was a good post.
I think that your writing has been completed in a formal fashion, as should essays in the pretext and other assignments. The commentary and bias is subtle through the beginnings of your piece, but becomes more clear toward your conclusion as you outrightly state your opinion.
The only problematic errors that I can see in your writing are the dead words (such as is and are), but those remain fairly common and this is, given the amount of time to complete, and informal piece of work.
Keep up the good work, then.
Angi,
I like that your position is very clear. If we destroyed tobacco, what future historical impact might that have?
The part that doesn't quite function well for me is the part where you just list the facts from thetruth.com. Impact those more -- ie indicate why you have included them via explanation, disagreement, etc. Otherwise, you can safely cut them because they simply clutter up the spot where your words should be with someone else's words.
Logically, I don't feel like you have explained why tobacco should be destroyed since, as you say, it has both positive and negative historical/ contemporary effects. On an emotional level, I agree with you...but on an argumentative level, I think you need to go one step further.
While I think you definitely have a clear voice, it didn't seem like this post was very much your own. The good majority was basically bullet points from the truth website. I suppose my encouragement to you is to use specific facts to support your argument, use somebody else's statistics to write your paper.
I think that this is a pretty good post, there are somethings I noticed though that I find a little weird to me. One is where you just put the facts one sentence after another. I feel that they should be put into some form of context instead of just all being thrown together. Another thing I noticed too is in your topic sentence, where you say "but it also became one of the main causes of death and destruction.". It just kind of I think is an over exaggeration to say that tobacco is one of the main causes of death and destruction to me so I think you might tone it down a little bit but I do understand what you were trying to say.
I like the way you set up the paragraph showing how tobacco was used back in the seventeenth century and how it is used today. You also put a lot of useful information in your writing which made it sound good. I like the way you tell that industries can get wealthy by other ways, not just selling tobacco products. I also agree with your opinion of what should be done to tobacco.
I like the word choice and how paragraph written in professional way.
I liked it :) you had alot of good facts that backed up your agrument. I also liked your word choice at the end of your paragraph, I could really hear your voice. It brought your all your thinking process together nicely. KUDOS!! :D
Your thoughts an feelings are really strong about TOBACCO. You did a good job combining the fact you got from truth.com but you didn't go into deph on why tobacco should be "taken on the face of the earth". But, congrats on your blog. I loved it.
The body paragraph's ok, bit bumpy in some parts almost like you're packing stuff in sometimes. Your thesis, on the other hand, is very general. You're attempting to encompase the whole point that tobacco kills, which by the way is a fact and therefore non-argueable. if you keep the thesis focused you can argue it much better, plus your topic sentences don't have to prove multiple points each time, but instead different aspects of a single main point.
Great entry here, but in my opinion, I'd have to say that, if it weren't for the fact that you have plenty of sentences, you're "cheating" a bit of the sentence count with those TheTruth.com facts ;). It felt awkward to read them line after line. I'd leave them out next time. I'd also say I enjoyed the latter half of the essay where you explain how oppisite view played on tobacco, from past to present. Good job.
I liked Angela's use of information from the www.thetruth.com site. The facts she uses strengthen her writing and give the reader a better look at her feelings about tobacco. I thought it was good how she expressed her thoughts about tobacco in the last section of her writing. It's a good way to end her post, it leaves the reader with something to think about when they walk away from it.
I like your incorporation of facts from thetruth.com, but I think it would be more fun to read if you used a stronger word choice to impart a more argumentative feeling.
Your paragraph is well worded and includes the pros and cons of the use of tobacco. So good job.
I think it was real good how you incorperated the fact you had gotten from truth.com into your blog. You didn't really go into depth on why tobacco "should be taken off the face of the earth". I like how your blog is completely organized and doesn't go off to another subject. GREAT JOB ANGI!!!
Overall, I liked how you use many examples and information to back up your opinion. Though you should also connect about others point of views.
Overall I think that your paragraph was very well written and included a lot of very interesting facts. So good job!
Then I just want to give my opinion to one of the questions you had. It was "why does tobacco continue to prosper?". I believe that the answer to this question is that even when people know about all the negative effects from smoking they are just to addicted to ever stop. So because of this tobacco companies will keep getting money unless people can somehow break their addiction.
Overall, I like how you use many examples and comments to back up your opinion. Though you should also connect about others' point of views.
I liked how you equally incorporated both the positive and negative views of the website and textbook. I also liked how you asked a question and went further to find the answer
I thought thatyour post was really good. It gave information that I had never heard about before such as, "Every day, about 1,500 youth become daily smokers." The information you chose seemed keep up with what you were trying to say. I do think that there were too many facts in there but then again, I did generally the same thing. All in all, great job.
I really like your thesis, it's strong and clear: to the point. I like the use of facts but find your own voice and opinions too. I understand what you're doing, I do it a lot too. I think sometimes when I read the facts I think wow! So that's my opinion now too because I agree with it, but try to put stuff more into your own words.
Overall I'd say great job though.
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